What I'd Tell Myself In My First Pregnancy
I got pregnant for the first time right before my thirtieth birthday. We found out right before our first month wedding anniversary, and with that one small pregnancy test, it felt like everything changed. Here are twelve things I’d tell myself during those nine months:
Give yourself grace. Being pregnant was one of the situations in my life where I felt like I had no control and there was little I could do to “fix” things. That was hard to accept for a type A, go-getter like me. For example, when the first trimester nausea and fatigue got really bad, it took all my strength to keep up with the bare minimum - like working a full day, and it was difficult to let go of my expectations to do more: to keep cooking meals, grocery shopping, taking on more at work, keeping up with my ministry work, etc. In some seasons, you won’t be able to do it all, and that’s okay. Ask for and accept help. Allow yourself to lean on someone else’s strength for a season.
Take a nap when you need it. I’ve never been good at resting, let alone taking day naps. There is constantly something to do and I’ve always felt the pressure to be productive. First trimester challenged that for me. I had to break up my work days to take naps, and I’m so grateful to be able to work from home and have the flexibility to structure my day to be able to do that!
You’re growing a human and that isn’t a small thing. As your pregnancy progresses, it can be hard to accept that you’re not you anymore: you’re now sharing your body with another human, a developing one at that! He or she will take your energy, nutrients, and strength. When they say motherhood is a sacrifice, it is true from day one of getting pregnant, not just after giving birth. The limitations, the changes, and the giving of yourself because of the human growing in you is a lot, so be prepared to adjust your life and schedule accordingly.
Work through the emotions. Between all the changes to your body and the hormones, there are going to be a lot of emotions to deal with. Some days, it might feel like nothing is wrong, yet you will feel so off and sad. Other days, the anxiety behind the changes or the prospect of childbirth will be the reason for feeling the blues. Find healthy ways to deal with those thoughts and emotions: pray it out, write it out, walk it off, and talk it out. Most importantly, let your partner in. It would hurt my husband when I would try to process things on my own and tell him everything is fine when it clearly wasn’t.
You don’t have to listen to all the advice. People are eager to give first time moms all the advice. Which can be helpful, but it can also quickly grow into information overload. You’ll figure it out in time - a lot of other women did and you will too. So, take the advice graciously, but filter it out as needed for what works best for you and your family. And if it all becomes too much, it is okay to stop listening to others opinions and preferences. When people offer unsolicited advice, here are a few things to practice saying in response to maintain those boundaries.
God chose you to be this child’s mother, which means He thought you were the best option for him or her. The fear of being a bad mom can be a real struggle - that feeling of insecurity and not being enough. Add in a little comparison, and you begin to wonder if you’ll ever be as good of a mom as that woman/friend/sister. In those moments, remember that you are the one God chose to raise this child, and our God does not make mistakes.
We are not meant to stay in our 20-year-old bodies forever. Your body will change. You’ll gain weight. Some days, you’ll look into the mirror and you’ll hardly recognize the person staring back at you. Your clothes won’t fit. People will comment on all these changes to your body. You’ll look back on photos of yourself pre-pregnancy and really miss who you used to be. But our bodies were created for this: to grow a child and bring them into the world. And that changes a woman in every way. Feel the feelings, but speak kindly to yourself to embrace the changes. As much as our culture embraces the trend of doing everything possible to stay young and thin (and “bounce back” after pregnancy!), our bodies were created to change and age, so learn to find the beauty in this ”new” body too. If you are struggling with this, read this book on aging with grace.
You don’t have to buy all the things. In the Instagram driven world, you’d think every child needs a fully decorated nursery, all the baby gadgets and designer clothes. But they don’t. Do your research for what a newborn actually needs and invest in that.
Look for the good in the hard. There is so much noise out there about how hard pregnancy is, how painful birth and postpartum recovery is, and how hard it is to be a mom. As someone who struggles with focusing only on the worst case scenarios, the warnings of the hard things stole a lot of the joy of the season of being pregnant and becoming a mom. I’m grateful for a husband who patiently and kindly would remind me to focus on the good things amongst all the change and the hard. Also, prayer. Pray for God to fill you with joy, peace and strength through all of this. That’s the only way to see the good and find joy, even on the hardest days.
It won’t always be this way. Pregnancy is a season. Yes, afterwards, it will be a new normal and a new season, but this belly and this baby living under your heart is only for a few months that will fly by so fast. Some days are hard, but this too shall pass. So, and take all the photos and videos. The bump update photos each week. The messy and funny behind the scene moments. Document this season - even if no one else sees it, you’ll look back in awe at what your body has gone through the last nine months and be so grateful for the photos and videos.
Every woman’s pregnancy is different. It is tempting to compare your pregnancy to other women: like the fact that she has no first trimester symptoms, but yours are the worst; how you’re due around the same time, but your belly sizes are different; her weight gain compared to yours; or even something as simple as the photos she posts on social media compared to yours. But ask any woman or any doctor and they’ll all tell you the same thing: every woman’s body and pregnancy is different, so keep your eyes in your lane. As long as you and baby are healthy, that’s all that matters.
Feeling your baby move is the most magical feeling. It’s the one thing that makes this the most real. As the pregnancy progresses, you’ll get familiar with his or her kicks, flutters and preferences. Each movement is a reminder of the life growing in you and there is nothing like it. Savor it. Put your hands on your belly and feel him or her move in response. And then pray over them. On the sleepless nights or in the tiny breaks throughout the day when they’re kicking around - use that as a reminder to take them and their future to the Lord in prayer. This bonds you to the life growing in you in an unexplainable way.
If you’ve been pregnant, what would you add to the list?
