Is your weight the reason you're not yet married? 🤔
The thought that my weight was the reason I wasn't married crossed my mind way too often when I was single for over a decade.
A little back story: I gained 40-50 pounds in college (lol that they say it's only the "freshman 15"). I tried so hard to lose some of it in law school, but probably lost only half of what I gained by the time I graduated law school.
My twenties were a series of yo-yo diets, negative self-talk, so much stress, and on and off exercise (I'd call my self a fair weather runner as I'd take up jogging in the fall and in the spring when it was nice outside here in the Midwest but do little to no exercise in the winter and summer).
As my weight climbed, I'd blame it for why no guy seemed interested in me. Because you hear all the time about how men are visual creatures and the first thing they notice about a woman is her physical appearance.
I remember my mom telling me that it wasn't only the thinnest girls who got married.
And that is a valid point and it made me feel better, but it's not what I needed to hear.
Because it's not necessarily about the weight.
Weight is a symptom. It's the tip of the iceberg that people see and likely make initial judgments on, but what truly matters is what is underneath. Youth and beauty are fleeting (Pr. 31:30). Our weight and body shape will fluctuate through seasons and years (especially during illness, pregnancy and in motherhood!).
Our habits / discipline, confidence and character that are the real things that make a difference. Get these three things in balanced order and our outward appearance will reflect good health, including a healthy body weight and composition:
Habits & a disciplined life: What you do daily, despite of how you're feeling, is who you are. James Clear writes in “Atomic Habits” (highly recommend everyone read this book!):
"Your outcomes are a lagging measure of your habits. Your net worth is a lagging measure of your financial habits. Your weight is a lagging measure of your eating habits. Your knowledge is a lagging measure of your learning habits. Your clutter is a lagging measure of your cleaning habits. You get what you repeat."
Confidence: A woman who balances confidence and humility is a beautiful woman. Or, in Biblical terms, a woman who fears the Lord (i.e., she is at rest and content in Him (confidence) while also realizing how much she needs Jesus (humility)).
Character: "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown" (Pr. 12:4) but a wife of noble character is hard to find,” that's how rare she is (Pr. 31:10). Character is the surest indicator of the kind of spouse and parent you will become. Character is reflected in our lifestyle choices, including how you steward your health and body.
For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. -1 Timothy 4:8
If you want to get married and be a mom someday, you must build healthy habits, confidence and a noble character today.
Yes, that includes losing weight if you're not in a healthy weight range for your body.
Because your habits will impact how you show up as a wife and a mom.
Your health and weight will impact your sex life if you get married.
Your kids will eat what you eat and they'll take on your habits. For example, if you're an emotional eater, you will turn to food to help comfort your kids when they're emotional and teach them to become emotional eaters too (speaking from experience here!).
I feel a bit hypocritical writing this, because I'm currently the heaviest weight I've ever been, and no matter how hard I try to lose weight, I feel trapped at this weight as I'm a few months postpartum and breastfeeding. Any drastic changes to my diet or intense exercise make my milk supply plummet, so for now, I am focused on building healthy habits so when I do wean, I can get my weight back into a healthy range.
But that's exactly why I feel an urgency to write this - to be the one who talks about this truth, because I wish someone had told me this when I was single.
“But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” -1 Corinthians 9:27
Build a foundation of healthy habits ASAP. Cultivate your self-discipline by working it regularly like a muscle. Invest in your future by taking care of your body and health well now.
And I'm not just talking about physical health - that's just one leg on a stool. Healthy habits also include spiritual health, mental health, and emotional health.
When I met my husband, I was at my healthiest - physically, mentally and spiritually (including finally getting to a healthy weight).
So, yes, maybe one of the reasons I was single for years was because I was overweight, but I was overweight because I wasn’t eating well, stressed out, not resting, not moving my body enough and overall not my healthiest.
“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” -Proverbs 4:23
What is your outward appearance telling prospective spouses about your inward health and the state of your heart and mind?
When a guy looks at you, does he see a woman with vibrant health living a purposeful, fulfilled life?
Or does he see a woman carrying heavy burdens, idle, haggard, stressed out, uncomfortable in her own body?
When you’re ready, here’s how we can help:
Download our Dating Guide with over 150 conversation starters to help you date with intention & purpose in your search for a Godly spouse and a marriage full of blessings.
Order Expectant, a devotional for women in waiting seasons.
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