Are you called to be single for life?
Every woman in extended single seasons likely asked herself this question: Is God calling me to a life of singleness? I know I wondered that for myself as I prayed for years for a husband and all through my twenties, His answer seemed to be, “No.”
But there are three things we often get wrong about this question:
1.Singleness is a choice.
Apostle Paul says if a woman wants to get married to a believer (1 Cor. 7:28), that is okay. But it is also okay to not marry for the sake of the kingdom (Mat. 19:12). In Matthew 19, Jesus says that if someone can accept being single for life, they should. All of this implies that marriage and singleness are each a choice.
But [Jesus] said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” -Matthew 19:11-12
I know you might read that as I did for years: “Let the one who is able” ...doesn't that imply that certain people are indeed naturally predisposed for a life of singleness? So then maybe some of us are truly unable to be single for life? Isn’t that why you have a desire to be married? As a sign that you’re not meant to be single?
No. Ask any person who gave up marriage to devote their life to full-time ministry and they will likely tell you that they did have a desire for marriage, but they laid it down in favor of a greater desire. It is not because of who they are naturally, but because of who they became in Christ.
I once knew an elderly woman who was a prophetess. At a young age, the Lord called her to a life of ministry and she felt that the only way she could fulfill that call was if she stayed single. So, at the age of 19, just as all her friends were starting to get married, she made a vow of singleness. I didn’t meet her until she was well into her 70’s, but I asked her once if she didn’t desire to get married and if that made her vow to be single easier to take.
Her answer shocked me. Because she said she had a desire to be a wife and mother since she was a little girl, and for most of her life, she battled with that desire. Yet, she loved the Lord and building up His kingdom even more than the desire for marriage, so she never regretted her decision, for she knew a great reward was reserved for her in heaven.
She had to battle her fleshly desires for marriage and companionship, and the only way to do that was to seek Him without ceasing, more and more; to actively serve in His fields and build up His Kingdom.
If you are seeking Him wholeheartedly, the Lord will work in your heart to transform your desires to align with His desires. So, if He is calling you to be single for life, He will not force you into this choice, but He will equip you to make the choice and commit to it wholeheartedly. Our God is not a God of confusion - He won’t make you guess at this. To the One who seeks Him, He will make Himself and His will known.
2. Being unmarried in your twenties, thirties and beyond does not automatically mean you’re called to be single for life.
Sometimes, we are prone to think that the absence of a “yes” implies a “no.” But that takes God’s timing out of the equation since sometimes, the answer is actually a “wait” or “not yet.”
Years ago, there was a prophetic word to me that I clung to so tightly when the waiting got hard: “What are years / age to me?” God asked. That gave me hope, because with every passing birthday and another year of praying with no answer, it reminded me that age and years was nothing before my God.
There’s a widow in Luke 18 who kept bothering a judge for justice. She wouldn’t stop asking and the judge gave me into her persistence. Jesus used that as an example: those who cry out to God day and night will not be put off by God. He will see they get justice quickly.
But anyone who has ever prayed for something for years will know that this isn’t easy. That’s why Jesus ends this passage with, “However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?”
That’s how rare it is. Almost unfindable on this earth. Because we stop asking. We give up. We don’t have faith.
Faith keeps asking and going to the One it knows can answer, even when it feels like He chooses not to answer the way we want Him to.
So, how long do you keep praying? Until you get an answer or God says no very clearly.
And yes, there will be times you’ll be too weary to pray and it’s okay to tell God that right now it’s too painful to pray for marriage, but you still want it just as much. Take a minute. Focus on something else. And when you find your footing again, keep praying.
God will answer — it might not be in our preferred timing or what we expected but it will be for our good and His glory, for He does abundantly more than we can think or imagine. Those are His ways. That is His character. Those who put their hope and trust in Him will not be disappointed or put to shame.
Our thoughts are not God’s ways. He is not limited by time. For Him, a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.
3. Enjoying your single season & living it fully is not necessarily a sign that a lifetime of singleness is your lot in life.
I’ve thought it myself and I’ve had other girls ask me: does being content in your singleness mean you’re meant to be single for life? Should you be desiring marriage more strongly? Is there something wrong with you because you don’t want marriage as badly as your friends seem to?
In 1 Corinthians 7, Apostle Paul points out the beauty and potential of the single season for women. Like many of the epistles in the New Testament, he could have just written this passage for the male reader and in the male pronoun, letting the reader apply it to women as well.
But no, 1 Corinthians 7:34 says:
"There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit."
In that time and culture, this would have been completely out of the ordinary, as women's roles were still very much still categorized as property of the men in their lives, and not as their own.
Sadly, today, that sentence likely would be rewritten more like, "The unmarried woman cares about getting married." Or, "the unmarried woman cares about building her career, or maintaining a youthful hot body, or becoming a social media influencer, etc…" The sad part is that I'm not even talking about the world. I'm talking about the young women in our churches. I'm talking about myself first and foremost.
Truthfully, in a culture so obsessed with gaining followers, wealth and a wedding ring, becoming the "unmarried woman who cares about the things of the Lord," won't gain you popularity with this world or excessive male attention and appreciation.
Why? Because a woman like that wants people to see Jesus, not her.
She doesn't seek to draw attention to her body or her achievements, but to bend down low and serve and make Him known even if it means no one else acknowledges her service. That type of woman isn’t idle (Pr. 31:27, 1 Tim. 5:13), instead, she cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy and set apart in body and spirit (1 Cor. 7:32-34).
What does the Lord care about? For all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the Truth (1 Tim. 2:4), and the way He accomplishes this is through His disciples (Mat. 28:19). He cares about the widows and orphans (James 1:27); the poor and the needy (Pr. 31:20); and His bride, the church (Eph. 4:12).
So, yes, enjoy your single season. Be fully content where your feet are planted today, but don’t spend it frivolously or idly. Seek God first. Tend to what He has given you in this season - to make the most of the time, money, talents, resources and work God has entrusted to you now.
Because what you plant and tend to now, will reap a harvest for you in the next season. Make Him known and He will make you known to the man He has chosen for you in His time and within His will.
Conclusion
Marriage and singleness are seasons, not callings. One is not holier than the other. You might marry thinking that the season you’re in is for life, but you don’t know what will happen tomorrow or years down the road.
You are called to live in undivided devotion to the Lord in the season you’re in.
I think that's what Apostle Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians 7. Often, that passage is read as two opposite extremes: you're either single your whole life or married. But if you read the passage closely, you'll notice that his message is more about how you live out each season, whether you get both or just one of the types of seasons.
In the season that you are single, "remain in the same calling in which [you] were called" (1 Cor. 7: 20). In the season you are married, "remain in the same calling in which [you] were called." The word “remain” in Greek is “menó”, meaning "I remain, abide, stay, wait, I wait for, remain or continue."
In today's world, we phrase that as "Wherever you are, be all there." Single? Be all there - don't be wishing for tomorrow or another season. Stop obsessing about getting married. Be free from concern about the future. May your aim be to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.
If you’re married, steward your role as wife and mother well. Be all there, in your own marriage and family and not anyone else's circumstances
Whatever season you’re in, be all there and make His name known here. For today, singleness is God’s best for you, but it does not mean that singleness is God’s best for you for life. God has tomorrow taken care of and it will come to pass as He has willed it to be and in His perfect timing.
